I'm back...maybe

It seems the past few months I have written - or almost written - a number of these posts.  I'm back, I'm gone, I'm back, I'm gone.  Right now, I am back, at least for a while.  I don't know.  Sorry if I seem to be suffering from a bit of blogging-induced confusion, but such is life right now.  Just at a time when I probably have the most to write about - life has been rather topsy-turvy - I don't really have a strong desire to write.  Ah well.

In fact, I am kind of wondering what I am doing here now.  Maybe it has something to do with the whole New Year thing.  You know, that holiday everyone makes a big fuss over: new year, new you and all that.

The thing is, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions.  Why?  Not sure.  Maybe because I learned a long time ago that I just don't have the wherewithal to keep them.  Or, maybe it's because I feel that New Year's resolutions are by definition doomed to fail.

According to The Free Dictionary:

res·o·lu·tion  (rz-lshn) n. 1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination. 2. A resolving to do something. 3. A course of action determined or decided on. 4. A formal statement of a decision or expression of opinion put before or adopted by an assembly such as the U.S. Congress.

Well, forget that last one.  That's not pertinent to the discussion here.  The rest, though, are.  If a resolution means that you firmly resolve to do something, putting a time designation in front of it - even one as open-ended as "new year" seems to create an impermanence to the determination.  What am I trying to say?  Essentially, no doubt what others have said before, if a resolution has a beginning, that already implies that there is an end, too.  And if you are trying to make a big change in your life, then it's best not to invite any sort of limitation to it.  Just my two cents.

Getting back to blog writing, though, what am I doing out here now if not because of a new year's resolution?  I don't know.  I guess I miss writing.  I am not sure I will stick with it.  I read all these great blogs and see how inspiring the writers are, and I just don't lump myself in with them.  I don't feel very inspirational, but at the same time I have no desire to maintain an open diary to the world.  I am trying to figure out where I fit in.

In the meantime, life goes on.  I have a marathon in a little over a week.  After a month of holiday madness, vacation, and illness, I can honestly say that training hasn't been all that great.  I only ever made it to 18 miles on my longest long run (I was supposed to do 22).  So, at this point, it will be what it will be.  I am still determined to do the marathon - regardless of how long it takes me.  After switching to the half marathon from marathon this past spring and then only making it to mile 24 in my fall marathon, I am pretty darn determined to finish this race - even if I have to crawl the last eight miles (which I fervently hope I don't have to do).

Happy Running!